


Personal Victories

by squeaks



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F, Working shit out, blackhill - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-04-10 20:15:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4406012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squeaks/pseuds/squeaks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pre relationship. Maria and Natasha regularly clash in very early-morning spars while the training rooms are still private.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Round One

Natasha’s shoulders slammed into the mat, pain erupting down her back as a weight pinned her in place and prevented her body from recoiling up to absorb the shock of the impact. Before she could retaliate, a lean forearm slid unsympathetically from the base of her throat upwards till it crushed into her jaw and held her head in place, the rest of her limbs quickly following a similar fate.  She gasped for a final breath before making eye contact with her opponent, her mind buzzing from the raw burn that swelled in her throat.

Maria wasn’t smiling like she expected but there was a fierce mirth in the Deputy’s eyes as she watched Natasha squirm experimentally under her. Natasha remained nonchalant about her efforts but much to her disdain she had been quite effectively immobilised. Not that she was going to let Maria know the extent of that.

“About fucking time” Hill breathed, pushing her weight further into Romanoff in anticipation of the inevitable fight back. The action made her head dip down till it almost dumped against Natasha’s and placed her close enough to see green eyes dilate as the adrenaline of being pinned hit the other woman; her breath coming out hot, sharp and strained against Maria’s neck. She flicked her tongue against her stinging lip, accepting the tang of blood she found there without a care as the smaller woman huffed under her. The fact that Natasha actually seemed to be struggling made the victory so much sweeter. “What was it you once said Romanoff – an eternity of you buying me drinks if I ever pinned your ass?”

“Trust you to bring my ass into this” she wheezed, tugging her right leg up in vain as Hill’s knee bit into her thigh. Maria’s lips stretched, unamused.

“Doesn’t change the fact that our score is now Black Widow – 73, Maria Hill – 1. Can’t say I’m sorry for breaking your streak.” She relaxed her left leg slightly before jabbing it down with more force than before, the warning making Natasha’s features scrunch in pain and frustration.

She was trapped, and she knew Hill was equally – if not more – strong as her.

If this was Barton or another competitor perhaps she would let them enjoy their success; an ego boost can work wonders on a person’s performance and Natasha always wanted her opponents to be giving her their best. But a fight with Hill couldn’t end this way because as soon as they step out of the ring she would forevermore have to approach her as the _‘Deputy’_ who one upped her on the mats. The woman was an unquestioned force around SHIELD; Natasha could command a room of Agents with her reputation and a controlled level stare but Maria Hill could achieve the same with much much less. These victories in the sparing rings were what kept their relationship of Asset and Commanding Officer equal so it did not sit well with Natasha to simply let Maria win this round.

Desperation pushed her to the oldest trick in the book.

Her air supply was cut off completely as she strained her head up and crushed her mouth against Maria’s. She locked firmly onto the cut bottom lip she found in front of her and dragged Hill back down to the mat, her teeth digging into the soft tissue with a determined growl.

Maria startled as her forehead collided with Romanoff’s. Next thing she knew there were teeth grating and nipping at her as a taunt tongue flicked and rubbed against her sore lips. Her body flushed at the unexpected taste of Natasha on the edge of her mouth. Her own tongue slid out in curiosity and then greed as she savoured the flavour, a wanton moan rumbling inside her. _Small victories_ she thought as her arms unfolded from Natasha’s frame to support her weight on patch of mat on either side of the redhead.

Calloused fingers gripped roughly at the inside of her right wrist – the one that had previously been crushing Natasha’s windpipe – and rubbed at the sensitive skin there as Natasha’s other hand sought out the dip of her waist.  

Maria allowed Natasha to suck her tongue into her mouth, the throbbing that had started in her core accentuated by each sweet tug. The firm pressure of a thigh pressed into her back as Romanoff lazily rolled them over and spread herself against Hill’s body, rolling her weight tauntingly lightly where she knew Maria would want it most.

Green eyes that had taken in Hill’s every twitch, shiver and stretch narrowed in satisfaction as Natasha pressed a hand against the brunette’s collarbone. Nobody gets the final word against her.

“Three, two, one” her body pulsed each number of the countdown into Hill’s frame, the double jolt at the end sealing off the spar in the customary SHIELD fashion. She contently pulled herself into a sitting position to Maria’s left as she gathered her breath and let herself appreciate the smug thrill that the victory gave her.

With her back turned she didn’t notice the way Maria’s body stiffened on the floor, her expression blank as she clenched and unclenched her heated hands twice as a sense of utter humiliation pooled in her stomach.

Natasha had slipped into her post-match stretches as she routinely checking each muscle. It was her standard way of wrapping up her sparring sessions with Maria. A knot in her left leg reminded her of Hill’s powerful strike with her heel, the tautness in her rib cage was attributed to the woman’s impeccable boxing training which always left her bruised and impressed.   

“I was waiting for the punchline when you didn’t count down. You’re getting slack Hill.”

The casually tossed taunt burned at her more than she would have liked and Maria hauled herself onto her elbows in an effort to rise above the embarrassment, a number of remarks choking inside her tightening throat. She had to throw something back at Romanoff. Something to make sure the other woman didn’t notice the way she was sitting on her ass, utterly dumbstruck while she held then relaxed a cool-down hamstring stretch and rolled her neck as she would after any other training session.

Maria knew intimacy was just another asset in the Widow’s arsenal but she didn’t realise how unprepared she was to be attacked like that. Not by Natasha. Not by the woman who she had spent months building a system of trust with – after a year of mutual suspicion upon her defection to SHIELD. Perhaps she had deluded herself by thinking her relationship with Romanoff was privileged however one thing she was certain of was that from the moment she had looked at Natasha and felt _something_ she was screwed. These kinds of circumstances never work out – not in her experience anyway. She had never thought them possible to begin with given their relationship as Handler and Agent but there was something utterly excruciating about having all her delicately thought through fantasies of being able to act on her feelings shattered by Romanoff herself and ground into the dirt till they were nothing more than dust.

A slight twist of Natasha’s head alerted Maria to the fact that she had noticed the lack of reply. But Hill’s throat was burning, her body was numb and she couldn’t concentrate on stringing the right words together.

Anything she said would feel wrong.  

And yet everything already does.

Natasha shifted at the sound of Maria roughly pulling herself to her feet.

“Want a rematch?” she frowned, watching the brunette stiffly make her way to her corner of the ring. She ducked down to collect her shoes and water bottle before slipping out of the arena. “Maria?” she tentatively called, a sinking feeling beginning to claw at her.  

"Don't be late to the 0800 meeting" she commanded flatly, only because Coulson had harassed her about addressing Nat and Clint's antics and promptness during work hours. 

Hill’s tousled bun and the back of her sweat stained shirt stalked away from her towards the training room’s exit, leaving Natasha alone in the silence as she stared blankly at in the direction of the locker rooms – where Hill always headed between training and returning to work – and then back at the doors where she had disappeared.  

Well shit.

Like with most things in this new life of hers, she’s managed to screw herself over.

And Maria had been so kind to her. Recently at least. She shifted her weight and tucked her left arm across her chest and locked it in place with the right, letting the muscle burn as she completed the round of stretches. She didn’t know what else to do right now.

 


	2. Take Me Out

The pair had barely glanced at each other in the morning meeting with Hill cleanly avoiding eye contact while she updated a small task force on the status of a weapons ring that they will be dispatched to shut down. Hill had relentlessly drilled out details over the course of the hour – like always – making sure each team member received every sliver of information that would help in the field.  

With each gaze that brushed right over her the sickening sense of worry that had knotted in Natasha’s stomach twisted, putting her on edge to the point where she couldn’t stand it anymore. She couldn’t understand why Maria would stretch out the agony of waiting to be told off – what she did in the sparing ring was so obviously out of line yet she got the impression that Hill was keeping it between them; Coulson, May and even possibly Fury seemed oblivious. Was she missing something? Had Hill already taken action against her and she wasn’t aware of it?  Every time their paths crossed – in the meeting, during lunch rotations, in the corridors of the carrier – Natasha felt like there was a colossal secret or joke being played on her that she hadn’t caught on to. It made her feel absolutely stupid and if there’s one thing the Black Widow cannot stand, it’s being caught undermined. In all the fine irony of the day, Maria had her completely played and possibly without even trying. 

The simmering redhead was crudely stacking a bowl full with fruit and dollops of yoghurt in the cafeteria when Maria happened to walk in; she hadn’t glanced up from her tablet till she was at the coffee machine and only then took notice of the few faces spread around the large room. 

Her eyes skimmed over a training-uniform clad Natasha as the she picked out cubes of watermelon to layer over the mess of yoghurt in the time it took the machine to pour Hill’s latte. She promptly dropped her eyes to the cup as she tucked her tablet under one arm and gently struggled the lid on before turning on her heel and making her way back out, passing right behind Natasha without a word, making the redhead want to groan.  

“Hey” she muttered instead, keeping her eyes trained on the silver serving spoon weaving around in her hand as Maria came to a slow stop and shuffled to face her.

“Yeah Romanoff?” she asked curiously, as if unaware of the giant pink pokadot elephant standing between them.

“What I can’t say hi to you anymore? Does that mean we’re definitely not speaking?”

The flippant grin tugging on Romanoff’s lips made the room spin uneasily. It had been a while since she’d seen the redhead dance between snark and casualness, most of the habit had faded out after her deprogramming sessions had stopped and she had finally settled in with SHIELD and the people around her.

“I-I’ve been busy Nat, but I’ve got a moment now if you need to talk” she frowned, worried that something had pushed the other woman over the edge. “Is it about this morning?” she guessed.

Natasha hesitated at the open question. Maria avoids personal confrontation. She’d made a name for herself by never showing her belly; the Deputy was known for being tough as nails. So what was she playing at?

“Is that worth bringing up again?” she asked blankly, hoping she hid her uncertainty by going for stoic and cold.

Hill chewed her cheek. “Well an apology wouldn’t go unappreciated” she murmured, taking a long sip from her cup as if she could hide how badly she needed to hear those words behind the rising steam and Styrofoam.

Natasha sure as hell regretted throwing herself at her on the mats, but was that the same as apologising? Learning manners was never really a focus in her childhood and even till now she struggled with getting cues right and knowing what to say.

“What am I apologising for?” she asked painfully simply, hoping Maria would literally spell it out for her.

The deputy scoffed out a breath as her feet ground into the floor.

“Are you serious?” she seethed. “You’re better than this Nat, I want to hear you say sorry for attacking me this morning”

“Attacking you?” Natasha snickered offhandedly, raising an eyebrow at the choice of words. “You know, a kiss is one of my better ski-“

“Well it felt like a damn attack to me ok!”

“We were in the middle of a spar Maria, I don’t know what the hell were you expec-”

“Oh shut up! You do know. We both know you crossed a line so just own up to it dammit” she grit through tight teeth.

Natasha ducked her head, her jaw clenching as she tried to bit back from starting a full on war with Hill in the middle of the freaking mess hall. She sighed, feeling like Maria was right about one thing at least.

“I shouldn’t have jumped at you like that it was a low blow” she admitted, trying and hoping she sounded sincere. Hill stiffened, she was so sure that Natasha would try to deny it all and defend herself that she was completely mind blanked by the woman’s soft tone. “I’m-” she breathed, turning her gaze back to Maria “I’m sorry. You know I’m shit with this, this dealing with boundaries thing” she gestured around, biting the bullet and pushing on with a full confession. “I couldn’t let you win.”

Maria’s face scrunched. “Win? That’s what this was about? Damn Romanoff I thought you’d got over your whole ‘perfectionist’ thing” she shook her head in disgusted disbelief.

Now it was Natasha’s turn to stiffen. “You really think I’m that low? It’s more than that” she slid her bowl to the side as her arms went rigid.

“Like what?” Maria pressed, straining to sound patient but this whole confrontation was putting her on edge. She watched the red head hesitate. At least she looked as uncomfortable as Maria felt right now – but for what reasons?

“Come out, I think we’re killing the mood of donut hour in here” Natasha decided, abruptly stalking off to the set of glass doors which opened to a small sun deck. She didn’t steal a glance to see if Maria followed till she hit the far wall, out of sight from the panels of windows.

“What’s so damned important about this?” Maria’s voice dragged over the rumble of the engines but Natasha still heard her.

“Those spars mean something to me, I couldn’t lose to you” she explained, crossing her arms and leaning against the railing. Hill sighed, almost marching back and forth around the small space as she sipped her coffee.

She shook her head “I still don’t get it.”

Natasha watched her carefully. She could explain this to Maria, right? She’d grown to respect and trust the woman more than any other handler or CO she’s come across so far and more than that Maria was also kind of- of what? A friend to her? Once their relationship had warmed up Natasha found herself bandaging up at Hill’s apartment after a few missions – a compromise between her not wanting to sit in medical and Maria refusing to let her wander around leaking from the seams. And some of the warmest memories she had made in her short time with SHIELD all had Maria pacing through her apartment, fussing over ‘her’ cat and chatting through upcoming work while sipping wine from one of Nat’s chipped coffee mugs. To her, Maria is one of the few people who deserve honesty.

“Do you think we’re equal?” she murmured.

The questioned made Maria slide to a halt.

“In what way? In the field obviously our ranks get in the way but there are other things…times when I think you’re better than me. Deserve maybe-” her eyes snapped back to her boots as she paced again. She shrugged. “What do you think?” she pressed, raising her cup only for it to draw empty.

Natasha took a breath.

Maria deserves her honesty.

“I think I needed those spars a lot more than I let on” she admitted, eyes never leaving Hills moving body. “Not to hold something over you, more to hold my own. Beating your ass on the mat every morning made following your commands a lot easier during the day.”

“Why?” Maria frowned, adding that sliver of information to the picture of Natasha in her head. She was tempted to call in to the command room and have the engines switched off so she could catch every little part of Natasha’s soft words.

“I can’t compete with you” she stated as if it was a confession.

“I never thought you had to” Maria comforted, drawing in closer so she wouldn’t miss a shaky breath. Natasha choked out a rough laugh at the worry (of all things) on the Deputy’s face.

“But _I_ did” her raw eyes squinted back at Hill’s, daring the other woman to see her so exposed. “It’s all I had on you. It made me feel more like your equal rather than your asset.”  

“ _Natasha_ ” Maria chided, biting her cheek. She shut her eyes and counted to three. “You already have something on me and it makes you hold your own a hell lot more that a sweaty brawl in the gym will.”

“And what’s that?” she rolled her eyes, bracing for the sappy pep talk.

But Maria stepped forward tentatively with a decisive _bugger it all_ , giving Romanoff time to take in her every move before sliding her mouth against hers. She was slow and soft and tasted like strong coffee. It may have been her wistful thinking but it felt like Natasha was melting under her; her lips parted curiously to see what Maria would do next, her breath hitching between them as Natasha leaned in.

Hill drew back all too soon, blue eyes flickering between Natasha’s.

“You kissed me back on the mats” Romanoff stiffly realised.

“Yeah, felt pretty stupid for that one” she chuckled, swallowing thickly at the awkwardness between them.  

Natasha’s eyes shut tight as her head swam. _Idiot_ , her mind burned.  

“You kissed me back…shit” she breathed, her hands clenching the railing in a death grip. Maria dipped her head down to bump against Natasha’s.

“Yeah” she repeated, watching her patiently. Nervously.

“I never noticed..” she whispered, startling back when she looked up and saw Hill _right there_.

“I tried to keep it that way” Maria shrugged overly casually, her voice dropping as low as Natasha’s as she backed away a little, the familiar chopping sound of the wind ringing in her ears reminding her of where she was. Where they were.  

Sooner or later someone would be sent to find her or one of them would be called in to deal with the evening rush. So before that could happen Hill needed to know,

“Are we ok?”

Natasha blinked in surprise “Of course…if you think we’re ok” she tacked on vaguely. She didn’t want to give in to the sudden flush of heat that swept through her under Hill’s kind gaze. Did she deserve that?

Maria smiled, nodding absently at the clouds in front of her. “I do”

“Whoa, I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of commitment” Natasha snickered, sighing as a weight lifted off the back of her mind.

“Shut up Romanoff” Hill groaned, eyeing her irritably. “You know what I mean” she waived it off as she headed back to the balcony’s doors, toying with the cup in her hand as her cheeks burned.

“Hey Maria”

“Hmm?” she twisted just time for Romanoff’s lips to brush the corner of her mouth as she sauntered by.

“Next time just say something” she smiled, tossing a wink in for good measure.

“How’s dinner sound?” she tried the words boldly. Natasha hesitated in her step.

“Sounds good. When we dock?” she guessed

“Unless you want to split a jello-cup under the cafeterias flickering lights” she dryly remarked, making Natasha’s mouth stretch flat. “And our spar this morning, that still counts as me winning.”

“No” Natasha laughed defiantly “but don’t worry there’s plenty of time for a rematch” she crooked her neck and offered a coy little smile “We’ll see if you can top me then.” Maria spluttered a chuckle as her cheeks tingled with a pooling warmth.

“Damn you” she laughed, the sense of challenge seeping into her as she trailed Romanoff back into the carrier.


End file.
